I’m Back …or Am I?

My one and only previous post via WordPress was published over 18 months ago.    I don’t know if I have anything worthwhile to say but I do know that I’ve missed blogging.  It’s an outlet.  It’s therapeutic in it’s own way …even the posts that you spill your guts to write but never actually publish.  The spilling is what brings the relief.   Have you ever gotten frustrated with trying to find something in a bag or toolbox that’s over full and the contents are tangled together?  Dig, shuffle, dig some more and you still can’t put your hands on that one thing you need.  It helps to just dump everything out, find what you need and then look at each of the other pieces and decide whether to put them back.  Your heart is the same way.  Sometimes you just need to dump it all out to see what’s there …what’s worth keeping, what’s not.

I miss Yeoldfurt.  It’s seven months today since he passed and I think the mental fog has begun to lift.   I’m past the stress and confusion of going through probate and past the panic of will I be able to make it on my own financially.  I find myself making choices now that are actually choices and not just knee jerk reactions.   Everything is the same as far as goals, needs, aspirations …and yet everything is different because one cannot do everything that two could do.  I cannot do everything WE could do …at least not using the same methods.    So I do what can, by whatever means I can and hope for the best.

I hope that blogging again will help me organize my thoughts, find a focus …stay focused.  At the end of the day, the week, the year, I want to be able to look back see that something was accomplished.  Even if it’s just a lesson learned on what NOT to do.






8 comments on “I’m Back …or Am I?

  1. Stephen says:

    Welcome back. Linked you at my place. Missed you, and again, condolences.

  2. wildriver says:

    You’ll do fine, my Friend!!

  3. Philip Paul says:

    I’m very happy to see you post.

    As painful as the reminder must be, I would like you to know that Y.O.F. was a stand up guy in my book.

    I used to visit his blog and he knew who I was from commenting back and forth.

    I believe you are acquainted with another friend of mine,”Mayberry”?

    Me and Craig go way back on the blogs also.

    I can identify with your thoughts on dumping things out and reexamining their usefulness.

    Things and people both.

    My prayers go out to you that you find the strength to pitch what isn’t working for you anymore and to grab on and not let go of what does.

    I recently lost my father and am going through this process myself.


    AKA Bustednuckles.

    • horsenmule says:

      Thank you, Phil, of course I remember you! I used to read your blog via YOF’s blog roll. He thought a lot of you. Mayberry (Craig) was a friend too but he shut his blog down recently. I hope all is well with him, he’s had a struggle the last few years too.

      I’m very sorry to hear you lost your dad. You will always miss him, but there will come a time when the memories of him that make you smile will overshadow the memory of his loss. Hold onto those memories, they are the only real legacy we get in this life.

      Thanks for the prayers.

      • Philip Paul says:

        I guess I do have some good news then, Craig has fired up his old Blog, Keep It Simple Survival.


        The poor guy broke his heel bone a few months ago and has been miserable since.
        He doesn’t post very often but he is still around.

        As for myself, I am still the profane ne’erdowell rebel as always at a new place I call The Vulgar Curmudgeon.


        I don’t rant so much anymore and my politics took a hard turn to the right . I always did have a strong Libertarian streak.

        I got married a couple years ago, quit drinking and have been working myself to death ever since. 😉

        I will put you on my Blogroll now that You have returned.

        It is therapeutic at times!

      • horsenmule says:

        I remember when you got married and I was happy to read this morning about your decision to give up the booze. Good job! Glad to hear the hard turn to the right too, I think the extremes of the current administration has a lot of people waking up. We lean Libertarian too, although I don’t think I fit neatly into any one party at all. Glad Craig is back. He needs the outlet for his frustrations. We all do.

        Thanks for adding me, now I guess I better start working on a post!

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