My one and only previous post via WordPress was published over 18 months ago. I don’t know if I have anything worthwhile to say but I do know that I’ve missed blogging. It’s an outlet. It’s therapeutic in it’s own way …even the posts that you spill your guts to write but never actually publish. The spilling is what brings the relief. Have you ever gotten frustrated with trying to find something in a bag or toolbox that’s over full and the contents are tangled together? Dig, shuffle, dig some more and you still can’t put your hands on that one thing you need. It helps to just dump everything out, find what you need and then look at each of the other pieces and decide whether to put them back. Your heart is the same way. Sometimes you just need to dump it all out to see what’s there …what’s worth keeping, what’s not.
I miss Yeoldfurt. It’s seven months today since he passed and I think the mental fog has begun to lift. I’m past the stress and confusion of going through probate and past the panic of will I be able to make it on my own financially. I find myself making choices now that are actually choices and not just knee jerk reactions. Everything is the same as far as goals, needs, aspirations …and yet everything is different because one cannot do everything that two could do. I cannot do everything WE could do …at least not using the same methods. So I do what can, by whatever means I can and hope for the best.
I hope that blogging again will help me organize my thoughts, find a focus …stay focused. At the end of the day, the week, the year, I want to be able to look back see that something was accomplished. Even if it’s just a lesson learned on what NOT to do.